Nigerian Spam

Dear Mr Francis Obi:

On January 13 you wrote:
> Let me explain myself, the director of this organization
> (Intensive Relief Organization) Mr. Francois Demarie,
> until his death had secretly kept $20Million USD in a bank
> deposit vault in this country. The money has been with
> this bank for 4 years now, and it is only upon his death,
> on the 19th of December, 2003 that the location of these
> funds was made known to me, when going through secret and
> confidential documents that were discovered in his
> office.

I was delighted to receive your message, as I am in the design and
planning stages of an invasion of West Africa to establish my own
country there. I am still a little short of funds, however, so your
offer comes at a very opportune time. After all, high-tech military
and infrastructure equipment doesn’t come cheap.

I’ve already obtained a cargo vessel from which to launch the
invasion, and have collected a highly qualified team in the areas of
military strategy, tactics and logistics, as well as teams dedicated
to neo-urbanist infrastructure development, policing, medecine,
education, sustainable multi-crop agriculture, law and
metaparadigmatic semiotics.

While most of the personnel needs have been met, we still lack some
capital equipment, including but not limited to:

Infantry kit:

5000 Sets ProFormance underwear, socks, pants, shirt, BDU, various
sizes
2000 Blackhawk equipment harness
2000 Blackhawk rucksack, auxiliary pouche, holster, rifle sling,
etc.
2000 A-TAC fragmentation goggle
2000 Pairs Kordura tropical combat boot, various sizes
1500 911 Level IV armor vest
1500 RBR F6 Mk II combat helmets, with camoflage covers and
equipment mount
1500 Raine mess kit
1500 AN/PVS 7 night vision system
1500 Colt Commander combat knife
1500 Marconi Selenia Personal Role Radio
200 Garmin GPS 12 global positioning reciever
100000 AA batteries
100000 A batteries

1000 Heckler & Koch G36 5.56mm x 45 rifle
10 million 5.56mm NATO rounds for same
1500 H&K USP Tactical .45-caliber pistol
1 million rounds for same
250 H&K AG-C grenade launcher
200 H&K GMG automatic grenade launcher
10000 grenades for same
100 Patria 81mm long-range mortars
10000 rounds for same

Infantry transport and reconnaissance:

20 GE Canada LAV III troop carrier
100000 20mm rounds for same
1 million 7.62mm rounds for same
10000 76mm grenades for same
1000 Michelin MXL tires for same

10 GE Canada Coyote Reconnaissance Vehicle
100000 25mm rounds for same
1 million 7.62mm rounds for same
10000 76mm grenades for same
1000 Michelin MXL tires for same

Artillery

10 Patria 155GH52 APU field gun
100000 rounds for same
20 Alvis Hagglunds AB AMOS advanced mortar systems
100000 rounds for same

Air defense:

25 Patria ZU-23-2 anti-aircraft guns
100000 rounds for same
1000 Stinger man-portable surface-to-air missiles

Combat air assets:

10 Bell OH-58D Kiowa reconnaissance and attack helicopter
1000 Stinger air-to-air missiles for same
1000 Hellfire air-to-ground missiles for same
1 million 7.62mm rounds for same

10 Embraer Super Tucano/ALX light fighter/ground attack aircraft
1 million 12.7mm rounds for same
1000 Orbita MAA-1 Piranha air-to-air missiles for same
1000 Hellfire air-to-ground missiles for same
1000 Opher laser-guided bombs for same
10000 Mk83 unguided bombs for same

Command, Control, Communication:

50 Marconi Selenia CNR-2000 base stations
10 Marconi Selenia MH500 data relay
250 Itronix ruggedized laptop computers

Logistics:

25 Hummer H1 light transport
25 Ford cargo flatbed trucks
10 Air & Gas Industries tanker trucks
Lots and lots of gasoline, diesel and aviation fuel.

10 Caterpiller 623B mobile water tank
10 PKS field kitchen
500 Eureka combat tents
50 Eureka MGPTS modular general-purpose tents
100000 KI4U Meals, Ready to Eat

10 Eurocopter AS565UB Panther transport and medevac helicopter

5 EADS CASA C295M twin turboprop transport aircraft

Engineering

5 Caterpiller D10N dozer
3 Hitachi Ex 400LC excavator
2 Caterpiller 140G grader
300000 sq m. AM-2 aluminium combat airfield matting

As you can see, our materiel requirements are quite significant, even
for a relatively minor operation such as this. However, we hope to
achieve a stable and sustainable polity in a relatively short time.

I am caucasian by birth, although I spent the first 15 years of my
life in Liberia. My skin color, however, might cause resentment if I
set out to establish a new dictatorship in West Africa. Therefore, I
shall undergo a genetic engineering procedure to increase the density
of melanocytes in my dermal cells, thus rendering me black. This
should alleviate any latent racism.

I hope you are as excited about this project as I am, and will soon be
on board. The funds you mentioned may be transferred to an escrow
account at E-Gold (http://www.e-gold.com), at which time I shall
undertake to move them to the destinations and accounts of your
choice.

Warmest regards,

Gordon Tisher